"I write only because there is a voice within me that will not be still." Sylvia Plath

Archive for the ‘Parenting’ Category

“That one is mine!”

About 8 months ago my oldest daughter bought a package of princess sippy cups for my two youngest princesses. Just about the 1st time after I’d washed them once when I went to give them to the 2 girls there was an immediate protest from the one who had adopted the pink cup. She said, “No! The other lid is mine!” (meaning the darker lid). But, that just didn’t look right to me to put the dark pink lid on the dark pink cup. SO, I insisted that, “No. This is your lid!” (meaning the lighter one).

Well, the 2-year old is the one who had the green cup and she was a-ok with the darker lid so she said, “Yeah! This one is mine!” And, I thought it was, too, so I found the 5-year old’s insistence that the dark lid was hers to be very annoying. And, she didn’t give up on it. No. She kept on and on about it!

She cried.
She crossed her arms.
She insisted.
She said, “No!”
She fussed about it, kicked, and fought about it…for a few weeks…then finally let it go and accepted the light pink lid.

Well, as it turns out after years of needing sippy cups in my life, these cups proved to be the bestest ones ever! They have no “inserts” or hidden crevices to collect eewie stuff. No parts to lose. Nothing gross. And, they never spill! They’re great!

So, I decided I wanted to get another package of them before they’re no longer made…and I thought then that I’d switch the dark pink lid off of the one I’d buy and let the 5-year old have a dark pink lid, too.

Well…guess what I found out when I grabbed a new package off the shelf?

Left is the new pink sippy cup I just bought…

I was wrong. Totally wrong. She was right.

And, she was right to argue with me and to fight for the fact that she was right and being falsely accused and dismissed!

What if…when I was convinced that I was right that I’d have identified her defiant attitude as “disobedience” or as “rebellion” and had spanked her for arguing with me about the lid?!

Just IMAGINE the damage that coulda’ been done to her? It horrifies me to think of it! And, now you can’t tell me that fallible parents who use corporal punishment don’t sometimes make those errors? (How many times did I do this with my other kids before I stopped doing this?)

Just listen to the music that’s most popular with teenagers…the themes in these songs are, “grown-ups don’t understand me”, “life’s not fair”, “grown-ups don’t listen to me”…etc… Teenagers rebelling is common…but we’ve mistakenly come to believe that that means it is a normal stage of development. It is not normal. It is common because of the way we Westerners raise our kids.

On the positive side of this story…

The coolest thing happened with my 5-year old when I came home with the cups. I immediately went to her and showed her the package. I said, “Elisa…do you see what lid is on the pink cup? I was wrong. I am so sorry! Will you forgive me?”

Her reaction was so awesome! She jumped up and put her arms around my neck and gave me a tight hug and said, “I love you Mommy!” and THEN…she ran off and found Dad and told him all about what I’d just told her! It totally touched her so much!

She had been wronged and she hadn’t forgotten it…
I am thankful that I do not have the memory of myself hurting her for it…

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Someday when I’m old…

Someday…when I’m old and can no longer wipe my own bottom…if it would happen to be my current 2-year old who’d be taking care of me…I know how she’ll take care of me: the way I’ve trained her by the way I have taken care of her…

When I’m old…my “baby” will…greet me in the morning with, “Hi! Mom! I’m so glad to see you!” and she’ll mean it…and she’ll smile at me for real…she will tell me several times a day, “I just love you so much!” and, “You’re awesome, Mom!”…she will hug me a lot and like the way that I smell…she will hold my hand when I’m unsteady…she’ll be patient with me when I spill my glass or flip my plate of food onto the floor because my coordination is not so good…she’ll smile at me and say, “Oooh kaaay!” the third time in one day that I ask for chocolate milk…and she won’t fuss at me that I only like to eat three different things she’ll just feed me what I like…she will feed me when I say I’m hungry…and if I lose my dentures she won’t scold me…and if I insist on stirring my own chocolate milk one day and spill it all over her computer she won’t hurt me for it…(she’ll take pics of the mess and post it on Facebook with her husband’s computer)

When I’m old…my daughter will leave the house sometimes without me and spend time shopping and playing with her girlfriends, but I’ll never feel like I’m a “burden” to her or that she just “needs time away from me!”…I’ll never feel like she’s embarrassed, disappointed, or ashamed of me…I’ll always feel like she loves me and misses me when she doesn’t see me for a while…

When I’m old…my daughter will answer me when I call out to her even if it’s at 3am (’cause I just wet my Depends™ and I don’t wanna sleep in it all night!)…and when I wake up in the morning then and have stinky breath, smell like pee, and have wild (blue) hair, she’ll tell me I’m beautiful and that she loves me…(and she’ll mean it)

When I’m old…my daughter will treat me like she sees me as a 200 year old “princess”!

That’s how my “baby” will treat me when I’m old ’cause that’s how I treat her now…and the Bible says that how we train our kids up “sticks”…

How will your baby treat you when you’re old?

“Do to your kids how you would want them to
do to you when you’re old!”

(Luke 6:30-32, Matt. 25, Luke 9)

:)

(A friend sent me a video on fb today that made me think of this)

Learning to skate…

Yesterday I went to the ice skating rink with the kids again. It was our 3rd time there. My 5 year old has progressed really well and it got me thinking…

Her 1st time there she could not even stand on the ice without help and I had to literally hold her up the whole time. The 2nd time there she found a “crutch” to use to get around on the ice. They have a bunch of those orange construction-site cones (can’t think what they’re called) there and the kids can hold them and skate. It’s really helpful. Plus then the highly unskilled skaters are “marked” with an orange marker!

Well, this time, she started off right away out onto the ice with one of those cones. Then, later I noticed her standing on the ice alone and I went to her, “Do you need help?”
She smiled and told me, “no.”
She had now progressed to scooting along the outer perimeter and grabbing the wall when she’d slip. It was the cutest thing!

I followed behind her and just shadowed her for the rest of the time we were there in case she needed help and of course, I was just thinking about child training and what I was doing and what would happen to her if I did something else instead…

What if when she would fall on her skates…I would make her go have a “time-out” and sit and think about why she’d fallen.
What if when she’d fall on her skates…I’d take something from her that she likes like a privilege and tell her that as soon as she can make it the whole way around the rink without falling she can have it back?
What if when she’d fall and totally wipe out and take out another kid with her…what if I’d take her off the rink and spank her?

What would any of these techniques REALLY accomplish as far as her learning to skate?

You all know it…it would crush her. It would ruin her zeal to learn to skate. It would take all the joy out of it. It would take all the pride out of her accomplishments. And, it would cause a huge rift in our relationship.

And, I know that people who are sold out on spanking being God’s way are like, “No, it’s not the same this it totally different!” But, HOW? Doesn’t the Bible refer to us as “falling” into sin? Don’t you think of the “fall” in the garden? Sinning is when we fail at the “skill” of being moral. And, our little kids are just as wobbly and unskilled on those “shoes” as my daughter is right now on skates.

1 Tim. 4:1 But the Spirit explicitly says that in later times some will fall away from the faith, paying attention to deceitful spirits and doctrines of demons…
1 Tim. 6:9 But those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a snare and many foolish and harmful desires which plunge men into ruin and destruction.
Heb. 4:11 Therefore let us be diligent to enter that rest, so that no one will fall, through following the same example of disobedience.
2 Pet. 3:17 Therefore let us be diligent to enter that rest, so that no one will fall, through following the same example of disobedience.
1 Cor. 10:12 Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall.
And, there are MANY OTHERS!

If I trained her to skate the same way people train their kids to be moral…she would fall (which would be humiliating enough) and then just imagine how you would feel if you were 5 and your parent took you aside and spanked you for falling? Imagine it. Don’t you feel it? Don’t you almost wanna just say, “Forget it! I’m not even gonna keep trying!” That’s rebellion. You know, there’s this “common” stereotypical thing people expect – that teenagers will rebel. It’s as tho’ it’s a normal part of development. But, I believe it’s a normal consequence of “traditional” (kid falls and you punish them) parenting. That’s why it’s so common for pastor’s and missionary’s kids to rebel. Those are the type of people you’re going to find to be most diligent in using physical force/coercion to get their kids to have moral behavior…

As I skated around with my little girl yesterday I was more solidified in the understanding as to how wrong it is to ever strike our children. Her precious little body with those tiny skates scooting along faster and faster…so focused…so joyful…so smiley…happy…proud she was! She’d once n’ a while slip and hang off the wall and she’d just look up at me with the cheesiest grin it was so sweet! And, there I was…just “ever-present” beside her…and when she fell I picked her up fast (if I didn’t catch her) or I’d catch her. I’d brush her off and comfort her. Twice she had a bad fall and she got really sad and I’d just pick her up and hold her tight for about 30 seconds and then she’d quit crying and get back to it again. I just thought the whole time about how I was “being like God” just being right there to pick her up…not offering criticisms…not punishing her for failing…just following her and watching for obstacles…ready to help her…feeling so close to her and enjoying her every tiny gain in her skills…

Training your child in any skill should be a reason to whip out your camera…should be a time when you can even get tears in your eyes as you see your child growing in whatever skill it is. But, the most important skill we’ll ever be responsible for teaching our kids is normally none of that. A parent teaching morality is normally following behind their child not to protect them (as is the Biblical rod) but to use that rod to whack their kid every time their kid messes up. Parents follow their kid in order to criticize and to punish…and when the kid falls rather than “brushing off” the effects of their “fall” and “cleaning them up”…we treat them like dogs and “rub their noses” in it, “Look at what you did!”…and there is no enjoyment in it…

We make our kids feel shame about their falling…and we make them separate themselves from everyone else and “think about what they did”…we make them “dwell on their sins”…”dwell on their mistakes” and then we wonder how they get older and can’t forgive themselves and have self hatred because they can’t get over things they’ve done wrong in the past!

The truth is just right there…right there in front of our faces every day…(Romans 1)

Once my 5 year old has the skills to skate she’s going to remember the pain that came from her own failures and the times she fell but the pain will not be remembered as coming from me. She’ll remember as she looks back that I was a source of safety, comfort, protection, and “salvation” from the dangers that were all around her as she learned this skill.

Parents, your children should be able to see you that way to in the area of learning morality, because, that’s who the Bible says God is for us. And, we’re to be showing them what God is like…

Do your kids think of you with fear and know pain comes from YOU when they “fall”? Do they think that getting away from you when they fall is where they are safest? Do they see you as following behind them to catch them (in the act) when they fall so you can cause them some pain? Have you made it so that they feel like it’s safer not to even try?

Colossians 3:21
Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.

Eph. 6:4
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Satan came to steal, kill, and destroy…don’t continue to be robbed of the most precious, awesome, and rewarding relationship that you’re supposed to have with your kids…

Na’ar in Proverbs…what kind of child are parents to strike?

(This is an excerpt from a posting I found this week that has some seriously compelling evidence against a common practice which I engaged in for 20 years…You can go here to read the full posting this is from… http://parentingfreedom.com/discipline/)

Child (Na’ar) in Proverbs

In modern day English, we use a variety of words to describe the different stages of a child’s development. The progression of terms even begins in the womb with words like “embryo”, “fetus”, and “unborn baby”. Following birth, we use “newborn”, “infant”, and “baby”, some use the word “nursling”, then comes “child”, “toddler”, and “preschooler”, and then “school-aged”, “prepubescent”, “pre-teen”, “tween”, “adolescent”, “teenager” and “young adult”. We rarely use the word “child” to describe a “teen”, except when people of ANY age tell “how many children” they have. 

There is a very detailed collection of words that accurately describe the development of a child. The author of the book, Thy Rod and Thy Staff They Comfort Me, compiled a list of the NINE Hebrew words that concisely describe this beautiful progression of life.

yeled (yaldah feminine) – newly born, baby

yonek – suckling, nursing child (nursing without solids, birth to approx. twelve months)

olel – still sucking, nursing, but one who is also starting to eat bread (nursing with solids, twelve months to three years)

gamul – completely weaned child (usually between the ages of three and four) [In our culture, which does not encourage extended breastfeeding, that would mean the child no longer uses bottles, sippy cups, pacifiers, and thumb sucking]

taph – little children, age of closeness to one’s mother, clinging to mother (between four to six years)

elem (almah feminine) – becoming firm and strong, pre-teenagers

na’ar (narah feminine) – youth, he who shakes off, or shakes himself free, younger men and women who have yet to marry (after and including the teenage years)

bthulah – young women just immediately prior to marriage, virgin

bachur – ripened one, young warrior, marriage starts to become reality

It is significant to note that the words referring to the youngest stages, yeled, yonek, olel, taph, (as well as bthulah) are never found in Proverbs!

When we read the word “child” in the rod verses in Proverbs, we naturally assume it means child!

In three of the rod verses in Proverbs, the English word we see is “child”, but the original Hebrew word is na’ar. It means the “one shook lose” and refers to the young adult or teenage years.

None of the words translated as “child/children” in the book of Proverbs actually refer to those under the age of ten or twelve. This is significant!

The rod verses are NOT directed toward little children.

(Note: In the Old Testament, na’ar also very accurately described Baby Moses. To save his life, they put him in the river. Definitely “shaken off”. It is not a word that would describe a typical baby. The same word was also used for Samuel when he was weaned and taken to the temple. Again, “shaken off” and not a typical experience for a young child.)

When we look at the original Hebrew word, na’ar, we see that it means male youth, young adult. Not even taking into consideration other aspects of the verses that may be misinterpreted, have a look at these verses with this translation of the word na’ar.

Proverbs 22:15 “Foolishness [is] bound in the heart of a na’ar (teenage boy/young man); [but] the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.”

Proverbs 23:13 “Withhold not correction from the na’ar (teenage boy/young man): for [if] thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.”

Proverbs 29:15 “The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a na’ar (teenage boy/young man) left [to himself] bringeth his mother to shame.”

We believe all the parenting experts who cite the Proverbs rod verses in English as a mandate to spank young children are ignoring the actual text. (e.g. Pearl advises spanking as early as four months, Dobson at age eighteen months, etc.)

When we examine the evidence, we believe those who rely on the rod verses in Proverbs to argue that parents are Biblically mandated to spank young children, especially those under the age of ten or twelve years, are mistaken. You can’t take a word and try to make it fit another word, even if your purpose is traditional, cultural, acceptable, and legal.

The actual age of the “child” in the Proverbs rod verses is about the age when most authors and parents decide a child is too big for a spanking, at which time they have to find new ways to “discipline” the child.

When you read the book of Proverbs, you will notice that the material is targeted toward young males, certainly not babies and toddlers or even young children. The themes discussed in Proverbs are generally appropriate for only more mature adolescents and those preparing for marriage. Most of the topics found in Proverbs would not even be appropriate to discuss with small children.

End of excerpt from http://parentingfreedom.com/discipline/

(me)

You know, this is not like about “preferences”. This is our CHILDREN and someday we’re going to stand before God and answer for what we did with them…and if there is the slightest chance that hitting them is wrong…my goodness why would you even persist in going there? The “damage” that can be done if you do NOT spank is well…I have a very not-terrible 2 who has never been spanked and so I can’t see that there is any damage to NOT spanking because not spanking does not equal letting your kids do whatever they want (aka “permissive parenting”) …but there is ample documented evidence that hitting our kids hurts them.

This isn’t some attack by the devil or liberals against “Christian parenting”. For that matter Hitler woulda’ taught TO spank and I’m pretty sure that if satan had kids he’d enjoy hitting them as well…So this is no attack by the anti-Christian “left”…

This excerpt does not mention (the full article does) that the “rod” that the Proverbs would be referring to is a 5 foot tall stick used for beating off predators…So, how does God feel, I wonder, looking down from heaven seeing Christian ladies with spatulas in their hands (thinking this is a “rod”?) just going to town whacking and whacking their little ones on a private place (their butts) thinking that this is somehow “God’s way” to raise godly kids???

I know we all can’t be “perfect” parents…so we have to admit that at least once we’re going to spank our kids out of anger or because whatever they did personally offended us and not because what they did actually was “bad”…this “weapon”…the rod…is a dangerous tool that parents should leave where it belongs…in the field with shepherds beating off predators…

And, the reason I fuss about this so much is because it’s new and exciting to me…because I have to live in a world full of people beaten to obedience…I love my friends and hate that they lose some of the God-giving amazingness of their relationship with their kids because they have been taught to do this…because some parents because their senses have been dulled by hitting their kids and so it’s an easy step to begin BEATING them…and…God is the biggest loser in this. He is hurt by this and robbed of fellowship with humans because of this…and I hate when He’s hurt…

Again…go here for the full posting…http://parentingfreedom.com/discipline/

Empathy…

The traditional way of raising babies is really like used toilet paper…it should be flushed away and never used again…

There are so many wrong aspects of it…

One thing I just thought of…is “empathy”…Most moms think it’s ok and even good for a baby to leave them to cry. Especially at night. Those kids need to “learn to sleep!” They need to “learn to soothe themselves”. And, while I could go on for hours about the spiritual, physical, and emotional damage this does to kids…I wanna focus on one small thought…”cause and effect”…

Baby can learn when they cry at 3am and mom “sleep trains” them and does not respond…
…that sometimes no one comes when they cry…
…that sometimes their cries don’t matter; maybe whatever they’re crying about doesn’t matter…
…that they are on their own…
…the only one who is always there for them is “themselves”…
The baby’s “cause” = “no effect”!

Baby can learn when they cry at 3am and groggy mom comes staggering in and tends to them lovingly…
…that mom always will come…
…that what bothers them matters to others and must be valid; they can trust themselves…
…that when they cry that they can change their world…
…that loving others means that you’re always there even when it’s not convenient for you…
The baby’s “cause” = the “effect” of seeing a person who has been ill-effected by the cry and yet has come to our assistance and loves us anyway and cares about and helps us with our problem!

What a beautiful lesson for a baby…to cry…and have mom there by their side…all groggy and tired…but loving them. What a beautiful example of love…The baby will learn the “cause and effect” of their cries that they can change the world they live in…and that their cries sometimes can effect others in a negative way and they will over time learn to have compassion and empathy on others and they will learn when to “cry out” and when to “wait” till a more convenient time for others…

“Greater love has no one than this…than a mom drag herself outta’ her bed for her baby!”

:)

(Of course, the baby should just be in bed with mom…but…that’s another post)

Willfulness!!!

After posting the last thing I posted, I thought that a lot of people who have been raised on the belief of “Original Sin” would ask why kids sin…but…they’re seeing things wrong…

Willfulness…is not “sin”. Willfulness means we “have a WILL”…

Willfulness is one of the things that separates us from the animals and makes us like God. It’s one of the ways we’re created in His image. He has a will. We have a will.

Willfulness is only “bad” when our will opposes or disregards God…when our will is anti-Christ…

When our children begin to display willfulness…and actually begin to argue with us…when they “persist in trying to climb those stairs after we say, no!”…is not sin! It’s our children discovering and learning that they have a will…and it’s our job to not destroy that! But, to guide that will into reason, and into being a “good” will which will love God…

One of the saddest things in the world are the eyes of a child who has had their will “beaten” into submission by parents who believe that is “God’s way”…vacant lifeless eyes which live on faces that rarely smile or laugh… :( God gave us a will…He doesn’t want it beaten into submission…He wants our will to willingly submit to His will…

How we teach…

I know that I should work on using less words…but…for someone who is truly interested in this it won’t matter…and those who aren’t truly interested…it won’t matter either… But, believe it or not I actually feel like I am being brief and that I could go on and on and on ane expand on everything!!! :)

Yesterday we went for the first time to an ice skating rink…and there were parents there who clearly loved skating (because they skated as naturally as I walk) helping toddlers in teensie tiny skates to learn to skate. I thought about how young parents will begin to indoctrinate or introduce their children to the things they value and love…and I thought about “how” they do it. When you have kids…there are countless things you need to teach them, really.

You teach your children to talk, walk, write, sing, play, work, cook, hunt, drive…all kinds of things!

How do we teach them all this stuff?

Talking…
We begin by believing that our child will learn to speak…
We talk to them a lot…and in the beginning we will even babble at them at times…
We repeat things over and over…
We’re careful what we say in front of them because we know they’ll imitate it…
We laugh at and with them as they begin to talk and really say some funny things!
Experiencing a baby learning to talk is a beautiful thing!

Walking…
We believe our child will walk…
We first start by cheering them on when they can roll over!
We then cheer them on when they can crawl. We crawl with them…
When they’re still too weak to walk we will hold them up (bear all their weight) and let them just kick their legs and try to walk…
We hold them as long as they need us to…
We run to help them when they fall…and we encourage them that they did good ’cause they tried and encourage them to keep trying!
Experiencing a baby learning to walk is something you bring your camera out for…it is a beautiful exciting thing!

Writing…
We believe our child will learn to write…
In the beginning with my kids I get them to hold the pen and I will hold and guide their hand to show them how to make the letters…
I print out sheets of writing that’s light gray so they can trace it to learn how to do it well…
I get them to practice.
When they make errors…like writing “WOW” for “Mom”…we smile and enjoy it!
I have some of those papers scanned into the computer to keep forever because the fact that my name is currently “WOW” is a beautiful thing!

Skating…
We picture our child winning the gold medal in the Olympics! :)
The parents I saw put the skates on their children and held them up the whole time on the ice…
Just like learning to walk except a little colder…
Seeing your child learning to do something you love is a fun and beautiful thing!

BASICALLY…you can see a consistency in these examples that the way to teach something to a child is to:
First believe that your child has it in them to learn what they have to learn…
Model what you want to teach with repetition and consistency…
Support the child completely in the beginning until they get to the point where they are capable of doing the skill on their own…and never leave their side…
When they mess up you go to their aid, and encourage them to try again.
When they fall or mess up you are sad for them and do your best to fix their owe…and sometimes you totally laugh and love and want to always remember their errors and you scan in the picture of “Wow”. The process of learning is a fun and beautiful experience!

And, pretty much kids raised with these techniques learn to walk, talk, write, read, play, hunt, drive, etc…Imagine!

We teach everything we teach our children with these techniques…except…morality.
The most important of all skills we seem to have a whole other approach to it that is not…beautiful…

No. With morality. We do something entirely differently…and imagine, not all humans seem to grow up to become happy well-adjusted moral people…hmmm…

With morality…(Christian) parents will teach their kids this way:
Start off with believing the worst in their children and expect their children to fail; that their child is ALREADY a sinner and that everything their child wants to do is to be naughty.
They often model the opposite of what they want their children to learn…(they will ignore their child when they cry though they do not want their children to grow up and ignore others who cry out to them, they will spend too much time on Facebook or writing blog posts while the children run wild ;), they will tell their children to do something and then not follow through like “we’re leaving in 3 minutes” and 20 minutes later they haven’t left, and they will model for their child how to force someone smaller and weaker than them to do what they want regardless of what the smaller weaker person wants, they will force their children to address people as “ma’am” and “sir” and “miss” etc…to treat the child “respect” yet do not respect the child…and actually I will need a whole separate posting to point out what all certain things we do actually teach our kids…)
They will “let go” of the kids way too soon…even as early as in the crib…thinking they are teaching the child “independence”…
And, when the child “draws outside the lines”, or “speaks a wrong word”, or “falls down when taking a step” by behaving in a naughty way…the parents will threaten the child, punish the child, or hurt the child (spank)…
They will also see, and accuse other parents who do not use these techniques to be doing “nothing” to teach their kids anything (and call it “permissive parenting”)

Don’t ya find that…interesting?

Imagine using the same techniques preached for teaching a child moral behavior to teach them to talk, walk, or write…

Imagine threatening or scolding the child when they say, “Ma-ma” instead of “Mom”…
Imagine punishing the child because they wrote “wow” instead of “mom”…
Imagine spanking a toddler because they took a step and fell down…
Imagine a parent teaching their child to ice skate and spanking the child every time they fell on the ice…

It would be ridiculous.

I’m a homeschooling mom…and if you knew that I would spank my kids for getting wrong answers on their papers or you saw me training my baby to walk and saw me spanking them every time they fell…you’d likely call the Child Welfare people on me…

“…since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse.”
Romans 1…
always…

The obviousness of the physical examples of this…tells you the truth…about the spiritual…

I see examples of the wrongness of “spanking” and the parenting “style” that goes along with that everywhere…and would really challenge anyone who disagrees to begin to look at the world around…look at nature…and find beautiful examples of “spanking” in nature and how it has beautiful results. If “spanking” were how to “raise kids God’s way” there would be examples of it in nature and it would be beautiful…

Everyone knows that if you were to spank a kid every time they made a mistake when learning to do anything…writing, talking, playing an instrument, playing a sport, ANYTHING…if when they made a mistake they were intentionally hurt for it, you realize what it would do to that whole learning process and their love for learning whatever it is…

Intentionally causing pain to a child who makes an error in judgment is not helping them to grow to love moral behavior…or to love the Author of morality…and it is not going to encourage them to keep trying…because in many cases they WERE trying. They were trying to reason and their reason was most likely not, “Because I want to please satan today!” No! Even naughty or rebellious behavior has a reason behind it and the reason should be your focus…not the behavior! You can change the behavior, sure! But, the reason is still in there! It’s just masked now! Covered! Hidden!

I have seen it in friends and experienced it in myself where a harsh punishment occurs and there had been a thought process going on…however immature it was…but it was there…a spiritual form of saying “socko milk babul” (one of my kids words for chocolate milk bottle)…and if the child actually had a reasoning process going on that still resulted in them getting intentionally hurt by their parents…if their reasoning led them to be in pain…the only thing the pain will deter them from is reasoning. They will cease to try to “reason” on their own and will focus on making their behavior pleasing to the one who hurts them…

Moral behavior requires the ability to reason.
Spanking your kid to teach them moral behavior does the exact opposite to them.

The truth is on your heart…
The truth is in the Bible…
The truth is in nature…


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